I’ll tell you something surprising.

Three years ago I didn’t know a single novelist – now I reckon I know about thirty. And only a couple of those are people I’ve met at readings and other events, most of them are real-life, down-to-earth, working writers, whom I’ve come into contact with at workshops or through critique groups.

I’ll tell you something else. The greatest thing about rubbing up against (in a metaphorical sense!) writers whose work is nothing like your own, is you learn a huge amount about what makes writing sizzle on the page and what doesn’t. So when I met a sizzler, in Ellen Meister, I know she was going to be a success.

Ellen’s first novel is out, and it’s a hoot; a really zipalong read that balances humour with the kind of experiences that many of us, as mothers and wives, struggle with. I managed to persuade her to take her hand off George Clooney’s thigh (you need to read the book to know what I’m talking about) for long enough to describe the process of writing Secret Confessions of the Applewood PTA …

How did you get into fiction writing?

The dream is almost as old as I am. But I carried it with me through college and a career in marketing and copywriting. It wasn't until I was an at-home mother with three children that I finally found the gumption to stop procrastinating and start writing. It was probably my version of a mid-life crisis. I just woke up one morning with my own mortality staring me in the face and thought, when the hell am I going to do this? I could drop dead without ever having pursued this dream. And so I began.

What’s the best thing about being a novelist?

When a stranger writes to tell me I've made them laugh or cry or touched them in some way, it brings me to my knees.

And what’s the worst thing?

The worst thing is obsessing about the sales figures.

What’s the one mistake you made, when starting out, that still haunts you?

I certainly made a lot of mistakes when I started out — and still do. But I'm not sure there's anything in particular that haunts me. I'm not one for regrets, because I think things have a way of working out the way they should, even if it takes a long time to become apparent.

Who do you most admire as a writer, and why?

I admire everyone who sits down in front of a blank screen or a blank page and eventually writes those two words, "The End." Writing a novel takes a special kind of mental and emotional endurance, and I'm hugely impressed with anyone who does it.

What advice would you give somebody who is thinking of trying to get a novel published?

Don’t even think about trying to sell it until you've polished, shined and rewritten it so many times that you know the thing is as perfect as you can get it. Then you have to take off your writer hat, stuff your pride in it, hide it behind your desk and start thinking like a business person. You now have a product and it's your job to sell it.

What part of the publishing process has been most surprising to you as a first time novelist?

Even though I had been told that the writer has a lot of responsibility for selling the book, I still wasn't prepared for how much would fall on my shoulders. Essentially, if you want to be a successful novelist, you have to take an incredibly aggressive approach to marketing and publicity.

On a more personal level, the single most surprising thing that happened in this journey was that Lisa Kudrow, who did the audiobook narration for SECRET CONFESSIONS OF THE APPLEWOOD PTA, plugged the book on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Is there something else you can see yourself doing if you weren’t a writer?

Before my children were born I was a copywriter and eventually ran my own small sales promotion agency. If I wasn't a stay-at-home mom/novelist, I could see going back to that world. I really did enjoy it.

If you were abandoned on a desert island, with just one book for company, what would it be?

Depends. Is George Clooney there to keep me company? Because that's how I've been imagining it …

Seriously, part of me would want to take along one of J.D. Salinger's slim volumes, which I can reread ad nauseam. But if I'm going to be stuck on the island for a long time without (cough cough) company, I'd probably be smarter to take along one of the fat books I enjoy re-reading, like Richard Russo's Empire Falls or John Irving's A Widow for One Year.

Ellen’s book is available through Amazon in the UK or direct from the publisher Click for William Morrow

Normal service will be resumed when:

I've written the 7,500 words of copy that a very nice client asked for on Monday and wants by Friday!

I've got over an absolutely stinking cold that some kind soul in Kendal must have given to me (and no, I didn't kiss anybody, so I didn't even have fun catching it)

I've been to the dentist ....

Thank the gods that Ellen Meister is going to share all kinds of fascinating information with us tomorrow, because I am really not fit company for you, even via a blog.

Kendal part 2

You remember a few days ago I was saying how performance made me so nervous that I would hardly sleep the night before? Well, this is the outcome of that nerve-wracking period. Tell Tales performed on Friday, to an audience of venue promoters, managers and live literature bookers. Quite a tough crowd you might imagine. In fact, on a very hot afternoon when they'd already been exposed to a day and a half of debate, workshop and performance, they were a generous and appreciative group. Tell Tales is an unusual concept in that the stories are chosen to appear in an anthology (mine is in Tell Tales volume 3) but it is also a performance group where writers read their stories to an accompanying soundtrack put together by Zak Akhimien (the Evil Genius) who works with each writer to create a soundscape that matches and enhances the prose.

Hmmm ... so what can I tell you? I'll be smug and give you the review copy, as written after the performance by the poet Tom Chivers, 'Kay Sexton's Allicholy Tale of the Dispunged Dark Lady is a quirky, exceedingly uncomfortable deconstruction of our society's obsession with health and beauty. Sexton has a real knack for capturing authentic colloquial dialogue as well as a flair for performance. In a brilliant twist on the modern passion for exfoliation and moisturising, the narrator - a hairdresser - receives a curse that submits her to dry, scabby skin and dead hair. Gothic stuff, well handled'

My fellow readers, Shamila Chauchan, Kavita Bhanot, Tom Lee and Heather Imani were all fantastic and Zak's music supported each story brilliantly. Our editor, compere and - of course, superb writer in himself - Nii Parkes, kept us, and the audience, at the peak of enjoyment throughout the performance and really made the event come to life. In the photo, from top left you can see Nii and Heather, with Shamila and Zak seated in front. Do they look wonderful? They should. It was one of the most fun events I've ever taken part in.

I'd like to thank the organisers of Live Lit for such a quality event, and especially Linda Graham, Festival Organiser, for her calm competence and welcoming manner. Kate Whiteside, Web Editor of the Westmoreland Gazette, kept me company on my first evening in Kendal and we ate and laughed the whole evening.

And in case you're wondering if I've forgotten about the printed word - not so. Let me tease you with the information that Ellen Meister, new novelist and brilliantly funny writer, is going to be revealing all on Thursday ... watch this space!

Lit Up (part one)

This is the Brewery Arts Centre, Kendal, where I spent Thursday and Friday exploring issues relating to performance poetry, literature and spoken word. This showcase was devoted to promoting live literature to arts professionals and on Thursday evening I was part of a panel that explored what live literature meant to the artists who perform and create it. Shout-outs to John Siddique and Neil Rollinson who were my fellow panelists (and very provocative they were too!) and Malika Booker who chaired.

It was quite frightening to sit in front of an audience that was mainly composed of the people who commission and hire live lit practitioners and debate what we do and why we do it (and how we could do it better) because, necessarily, the debate came down to what didn't work.

So what did we decide didn't work?

Marketing. John and I certainly agreed that our own marketing efforts more often contributed to bums on seats than the marketing of events organisers. We felt that often marketing people didn't know how to talk about live literature and so ... they didn't bother.

And what did?

Everybody, including the audience, seemed to feel that once audiences got to hear live literature, in whatever form, they enjoyed it and wanted more.

Although we debated, often hotly, for an hour, we didn't even begin to scratch the surface of the many issues we could have covered: multiculturalism and live literature; audience age and how it affects audience participation; innovation in literature and whether it helps or harms the printed word; evaluating the effects of live literature on audiences; live lit for schools, hospitals and other centres; improvisation versus rehearsed peformance; competitive live lit (slams etc) versus traditional live lit (poetry readings etc) - I could go on for hours!

It was fun, tiring and thought-provoking and I hope the 'arts professionals' gained a little insight from it. This practitioner certainly learned from the debate.

Tomorrow, I'll tell you about the actual reading with Tell Tales - the highs, the lows, the sudden panic (oh yes!) and the way we were received and reviewed.